But this wasn’t a problem before. You can see in my reviews of the MacBook Pro and iPad Pro that Touch ID has never given me problems. But now, even with cleaning the sensors, something I didn’t have to do previously, they frequently misbehave. The thing is, I only started noticing the problem since Apple introduced Face ID.
It’s conspiracy theory time!
Oh God, What am I Doing?
My proof? None. I didn’t measure the reliability of Touch ID before Face ID came out because, simply put, it was never a problem for me. It always worked perfectly. It worked just about every time on the first try, and always by the second. However, since Face ID came out and has spread to all but Apple’s Mac lineup (wait until later this month, I bet), Touch ID has been useless. Not just unreliable, but useless.
Here’s the really crazy part: I’m not even the first person to suggest this.
The Motive
Apple’s motive is clear. When Face ID first came out, many reviewers, myself included, pointed out that Touch ID was more intuitive, more reliable, and faster. I confessed to hating Face ID after using it for a while, and still would prefer an in-screen fingerprint reader (or both). Face ID was simply not seen as a direct successor to Touch ID, it was more of an alternative with serious drawbacks and security concerns (especially with twins or nearly identical siblings).
So, Apple had an image problem with Face ID (pun intended). What did they do? They crippled Touch ID to get back at it. Now no one thinks Touch ID was better, because Touch ID doesn’t work anymore. Apple’s plan worked, and when the release Face ID for the Mac later this month (or early next year), it’ll be one of the most popular upgrades on the Mac lineup in some time.
Past Evidence
Photo: iFixit
Apple was once accused of throttling old phones to make people want to upgrade to the faster iPhone. It was a largely dismissed conspiracy theory. The problem? It was right. Apple did what they called battery throttling for older devices. As the battery got worse, Apple would slow down the phone to improve battery life, crippling the processor. Apple said it was for the users own good, but why not rely on them to use low power mode if they noticed a problem with the battery? Why automate it, locking them into low power mode?
Initially, it was due to shutdown issues on the iPhone 6s, which meant Apple had to come up with a software solution for a defective battery and hardware issue. Apple’s solution was to replace the battery or suggest people upgrade. People did both in droves. Apple took a hit on batteries, but has profited off of the sale of phones.
Now you can shut off such throttling in Settings, if you know where to look (Settings > Battery). Is Apple doing this to help consumers or encourage upgrades? We’ll never be 100% sure, like all good conspiracy theories.
Other Explanations
First, perhaps I, a lizard person, am suffering from a defective skin suit. My fake human body must be deteriorating, and I need to go in for my 10,000 mile replacement. Those are city miles, and that’s what I get for having a skin suit in the city. Anyway, that’s just one possibility. Perhaps I was abducted by aliens, or the government, and I am merely a clone of Danielle, whose fingerprints do not match the original closely enough to work Touch ID. They’re great with cloning, but the new birthmarks are always a dead giveaway. Or skin cancer. Perhaps I’m a cyborg. That would explain the bug that caused the unit to become obsessed with keyboards and skateboards. Perhaps the Earth, while flat, has curved, and space has curved around it, making the Touch ID sensors misshapen!
Or perhaps my fingers have just taken a beating. I did mention skateboarding. Maybe my fingers gave gotten roughed up too much from carrying my board and grip tape that they just don’t look quite the same all the time. Or perhaps picking up the guitar has messed up both of my hands. Maybe my hobbies have ruined the integrity of my fingerprints to the point that fingerprint readers can’t recognize them. Except I haven’t had many of the same problems with my HTC U11. However, I don’t use that as a primary device, I only use it for work. Perhaps I just ignored the problem before because it was my only option, and now notice it because Face ID actually is more reliable.
Or maybe I just damaged the readers somehow.
It would be silly to jump to a conspiracy theory about Apple, the government, vaccines, or the shape of the Earth without proof. But I can’t help but shake this feeling that this is the identification equivalent to battery based throttling all over again. Is Apple being dishonest to convince people to upgrade? We’ll likely never know. But the truth is out there, and I want to believe.